The Magic of Parenting
by MisfortuneTeller
Summary: In which G. and Gokudera have the 'talk'


Gokudera dodged another set of dynamites that were headed his way. His father was at it again, trying to lecture him about the birds and the bees. It was always like this. Why? Because he made the mistake of bringing a girl home at the wrong time. The boy sighed heavily as he rounded another corner.

"GOKUDERA, GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" came his father's angry voice, followed by an array of explosives.

The silver haired boy peered over his shoulder, eyes widening at the distance between them. It wouldn't take long before his father was within arm's reach. He dipped into his pockets and pulled out four dynamites in each hand. Frantically, he tossed them behind him, praying to God it will wipe his father out. Or at least knock him out cold long enough to run away.

"COME ON, WE WERE JUST GETTING STARTED!" his father cried.

"Get away from me!" Gokudera shouted back, but he knew, so very well, that G. was not going to give up any time soon.

"BUT I HAVE TO TEACH YOU ABOUT THE DANGERS OF UNPROTECTED SEX!"

"Leave me alone, stupid old man!"

"REMEMBER TO ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!"

Gokudera covered his ears hastily, desperately trying to tune his father out, "Lalalalalalalala, I can't hear you!" But his attempt ended in vain. G. was rather persistent today.

"YOU'RE AT THE RISK OF GETTING HERPES, SON! DO YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THAT IS?"

"Lalalalalalala!"

"LET'S NOT TAKE CHANCES, I THINK I HAVE ONE IN MY POCKET RIGHT NOW!"

The boy turned around sharply as his father proceeded to dig through his pocket for said piece of rubber.

Gokudera took this chance, while G. was still too distracted to notice, and turned the next corner.

G.'s head shot up at the sound of rushing footsteps. He followed after his son with a new batch of already lit dynamites in between his fingers.

"YOUR MOTHER WOULD'VE WANTED THIS!"

"What do you know? She's dead!" Again, he dodged the dynamites his father threw at him.

Gokudera took another peek over his shoulder. If looks can kill, he'd have been dead three times over by now. His father was absolutely furious, and just about ready to pull a gun on him. The boy shivered and continued down the long corridor of the mansion.

'Please tell me I'll live,' he prayed silently, but luck was not on his side. He had run right into a dead end. 'The least you could do is promise me I won't end up in the hospital.'

He spun around swiftly as his father's heavy breathing reached his ear.

"Give up now!" G. ordered.

Gokudera looked around rashly, searching for any visible escapes. Even a small rat hole in the wall will do for now but, things were not looking up for him today. He had been so caught up in searching that he had failed to notice G. preparing to jump on him.

In only two seconds time, the boy was lying face down on the cold marble floor as his father sat on his torso, pinning his arms behind his back. He struggled against his restraints, however, G. was unwilling to let go.

"Help! Someone! Child abuse!" Gokudera screamed. He continued to thrash about, kicking, biting, spitting, anything to get away but, his father proved to be a bigger asshole than he was given credit for. At that moment, he had decided, to handcuff the poor, squirming boy.

Meanwhile, in another room, Giotto was teaching little Tsuna a bit about love making in the most interesting of ways.

"You see, Tsuna. When a man and a woman love each other _very, very_ much, they show affection towards one another by kissing in public and hand holding. Sometimes, they go straight to sex and the rule of thumb is, don't stop 'til she's satisfied," he explained.

Tsuna stared at his father with big, bright eyes and an innocent smile on his small, round face as the man went on to elaborate the details of child birth, which were, by the way, a bit over descriptive. He was actually quite lucky all that came out his father's mouth was not in his understanding because he'd be scared out of his wits if it were. As long as Giotto was talking and Tsuna was pretending his father was not full of shit, everything would be fine. Well, it_ would've_ been fine if not for a loud crash that startled Giotto's train of thought.

The blonde growled under his breath. Whoever dared interrupt such an important discussion between father and son was not going to live to see tomorrow. I mean, how was Tsuna going to grow into a fine young man such as himself if he didn't have all this prior knowledge?

Giotto stomped angrily out of his room, slamming the door shut on the way, with Tsuna in toll. He followed the path of destruction that the two hot heads had left in the way, whilst guiding Tsuna over the broken shards of glass and wall fragments.

He rubbed at his temples, trying to soothe the pounding migraine that was refusing to calm down. It was just as stubborn as G. if not more, and that was saying something.

"Get off me, old man! My stomach's deflating!"

"I'm not done with you, Gokudera. If you ever dare knock a girl up, I'll shove these dynamites up your ass. This is the only time I'm saying this: I absolutely, undoubtedly, hate children!"

"It's the other way around!" Gokudera growled with much difficulty. Though his tone was firm, it was quite clear that G.'s weight was cutting off his air. And in just about seven seconds, his lungs would collapse. This was pure torture; the kind that comes with regret and a psychotic father.

"IDIOT!"

"BASTARD!"

They continued their bickering, completely oblivious to the approaching Giotto and the murderous aura he conveniently brought with him. After two more minutes of their back to back half assed insults, Giotto finally snapped. His eyes narrowed and twitched with each passing second.

"WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS SHUT UP? I'M TYRING TO HAVE A SENTIMENTAL MOMENT HERE! AND I'D LIKE, IF FOR ONCE, MY FUCKING MANSION WOULDN'T GO DOWN WITH IT! NOW THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M SAYING THIS. TAKE THIS FIGHT OUTSIDE OR I'LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

Giotto was practically steaming by now and it didn't help matters that his favorite Ming vase was in shambles by Gokudera's leg. The three other occupants in the room looked at him in awe. It was exceptionally rare for Giotto to lose his cool and even when he did, he was always aware of Tsuna's presence so he chose his words carefully. This meant only one thing. Father and son looked at each other and were, for once, in total agreement.

They hightailed out of there and ended up in the mansion's outer garden. The two look-alikes panted, hand on their knees to keep balance after their impromptu exertion.

"Uncle Giotto could sure be scary when he wants to," Gokudera commented after finally regaining his breath.

"You have no idea," G. said in amusement, lips quirked. He stood, holding his hand out to his son, who in turn stared at it, "Truce?"

Gokudera hesitated for a brief second before shoving his two bound wrists in his father's face. The red head stared at them for nine clueless seconds before he _finally _got the hint and whipped the key to the handcuffs out of his pockets. His clumsy fingers fidgeted around the lock until, at long last, he got them off. G. breathed an inaudible 'Aha!' before resuming his original hand position with a half serious smile on his face.

Gokudera gratefully accepted it. "Truce," he confirmed.

"Alright," G. sighed after a moment of crisp silence. "Let's head back inside."

His son nodded and the two ample towards the mansion.

"... Gokudera, my son," G. began slowly after another moment of silence, all smile as he turned. Gokudera gulped. He had a bad feeling about this. "Why do you smell like women perfume?"

_Uh-oh._


End file.
